Throughout this entire book production process, worried thoughts have flooded my mind. Will people buy A Prophecy Forgotten once it comes out, or will it become the ultimate failure, keeping any respectable publisher from looking at my other manuscripts? Will my book cover look okay? Will I be able to schedule any book signings? Then I start dealing with the everyday life questions. Will my husband be able to find another job once his boss sells the company? Will we sell our house and become cash positive? Can we get through this month without getting into anymore debt? Should I just quit writing and get a real job so I can help the family become cash positive? The list questions keeps lengthening, and it’s frying my brain. I know that these thoughts are indicative of my lack of faith in God. I know He wants me to publish A Prophecy Forgotten, and I have seen Him do so many things throughout this process, yet I still worry and doubt. I’m like the toy dinosaur in Toy Story who said, “Now I have guilt!” Now my thoughts are full of worry and guilt that I’m not trusting God enough. I don’t think this is how God wants me to live, is it? He doesn’t want me to feel the acid twisting in my stomach or the constant ache in my shoulders and back. His burden is light. I’m the one who’s so darn insistent on making it heavy.
As I was praying today, I asked God to increase my faith, mainly because I can’t live like this much longer. A startling revelation came to me: Faith is not shown by what you feel, but by what you do. James put it better when he said, “Faith without works is dead.” I can believe as hard as I want that God is going to bless this stupid book, but if my actions don’t show that I believe it, what good is my faith? I, of course, am doing the exact opposite. I’m scared about what might happen in the next to months. I worry that every book reviewer in the country will scorn A Prophecy Forgotten in their critiques and that everyone I call and ask for a book signing or a speech will turn me down. But I have decided that despite my fear, I will continue pressing ahead—believing that God will bless my efforts and do something marvelous. Maybe not now, maybe later, but I will do what I believe God has called me to do. Scared though I am, I will show my faith through my deeds.
There. I no longer have guilt for feeling worried. That’s one down. Now if I could just tackle the worry….
For more information on my debut novel, A Prophecy Forgotten, check out my website at http://www.elysianchronicles.com