Friday, February 13, 2009

I've Moved to Typepad

Please find me at To Elysia and Back Again.

As I have grown from being an author to a talk radio host--and now for more than one program--I have developed what I unofficially dub "The Blog Monster." I've discovered that I have way too many blogs in way too many spaces, and since I'm about to being yet another radio show on movies in my local area, I've got to consolidate--or I'll go insane trying to post everything to the right website. (Wait... "I'll GO insane" indicates it has not already happened yet. Hmmm.) I've also discovered that if I consolidate, I'll make it a "one stop shop" meaning people won't get confused as to how to find me.

Anyway, since this blog is simply a cut and paste blog of my personal blog on Typepad, To Elysia and Back Again, I've decided that it will be best if I shut this one down. My reasoning for this is twofold:

  • Blogger doesn't use regular html code, meaning every time I upload my Typepad blog here, it takes me an extra 15 minutes to massage everything in order for it to work.
  • I get Google web alerts for my Typepad blog, but none for my Blogger blog, meaning Typepad is more powerful when it comes to getting Google to notice me. (Oh, and I don't have to use a Technorati code converter in Typepad, which I stopped doing on blogger about a year ago because it took too long.)

This blog posting will be the last posting on this particular blog. I invite you to visit my official To Elysia and Back Again blog, and check out my photo albums there, which are kind of funny!

For those of you who subscribe to this particular blog, please click here to subscribe to my To Elysia and Back Again blog, which is the exact same content as what I post here.

This Week’s Final Cut In Movies show (02/13/09): Push

On this week’s show, I'll be discussing why Push only made $10 million its opening weekend, how I actually agree with Rotton Tomatoes this time, why leadership skills are important when writing a screenplay and directing a movie, and other science fiction & fantasy news.

The show will air from 2:00-3:00am & pm and re-air throughout the week at the same times on http://www.adastraradio.com/. To listen to tonight's show:

Missed Saturday's edition of The Final Cut? Don’t worry, you can catch the re-runs each day from 2:00-3:00am & pm at www.adastraradio.com, or you can download the podcast at M. B. Weston's Podcasts site or by following this link on iTunes.

Be sure to check out my new To Elysia and Back Again podcast every Tuesday! Click here for more information.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Podcast: The Second Birth of Davian the Great - Part 2

This is my second podcast in "The Second Birth of Davian the Great" series.

Did you ever wonder how and when Davian came to believe in Ianoda and the Runes' Book of Prophecy and Book of Ezzer? I'll be telling you the story, which takes place over 200 years before The Elysian Chronicles: A Prophecy Forgotten when Davian goes to RSO training, in this podcast!

I'll also be adding a little twist by comparing the story of Davian to the Biblical story of King Nebuchadnezzar in the book of Daniel.

This particular podcast covers Daniel 2, and I'll be discussing the subject of Discovering Truth.

To download "The Second Birth of Davian the Great: Part 2", click here.

If you missed the earlier podcasts in the series, click on the links below:

If you are wondering what the To Elysia and Back Again podcast is all about, click here to download a brief, 4 minute introduction.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Listen to Chapter 8 of The Elysian Chronicles: A Prophecy Forgotten!

Hear A Prophecy Forgotten the way I intended it to be read!

As all of us wait for Out of the Shadows: Book II of the Elysian Chronicles, I've decideed to entertain you with a few podcasts (i.e. a FREE downloadable audio versions of my novel in mp3 format so you can listen to it on your computer, your iPod, or burn a CD) of A Prophecy Forgotten: Book I of the Elysian Chronicles. For those of you who cannot afford A Prophecy Forgotten, this is a good way to test it out for free. I will continue posting new chapters every few weeks, so please continue to check the blog.

Click to read my latest installment: "Chapter Eight: December 22nd."

Also, if you missed previous chapters, please click on the links below:

Be sure to check out my new To Elysia and Back Again podcast every Tuesday! Click here for more information.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Check Out the Map of Elysia on the Elysian Chronicles Website!


Wandering Sage has included a map of Elysia in the trade paperback version of A Prophecy Forgotten. (The limited edition does not have this map.) I decided to post the map on The Elysian Chronicles website so those of you with the hardcover and limited edition can view it, too.


Click here to view the map, and then click "Click here to view a map of Elysia."

Friday, February 06, 2009

This Week’s Final Cut In Movies show (02/07/09): The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

On this week’s show, I'll be discussing The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, reasons you may not want to snore in a theater when you're sitting next to someone who hosts a radio talk show on movies, why the Academy is full of idiots, and just how much Button was like Forest Gump--no joke!

The show will air from 2:00-3:00am & pm and re-air throughout the week at the same times on http://www.adastraradio.com/. To listen to tonight's show:

Missed Saturday's edition of The Final Cut? Don’t worry, you can catch the re-runs each day from 2:00-3:00am & pm at http://www.adastraradio.com/, or you can download the podcast at M. B. Weston's Podcasts site or by following this link on iTunes.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Podcast: The Second Birth of Davian the Great - Part 1

This is it! The inaugural posting of the To Elysia and Back Again podcast.

This first series of podcasts is called "The Second Birth of Davian the Great." Did you ever wonder how and when Davian came to believe in Ianoda and the Runes' Book of Prophecy and Book of Ezzer? I'll be telling you the story, which takes place over 200 years before The Elysian Chronicles: A Prophecy Forgotten when Davian goes to RSO training, in this podcast!

I'll also be adding a little twist by comparing the story of Davian to the Biblical story of King Nebuchadnezzar in the book of Daniel.

This particular podcast covers Daniel 1:1-20, and I'll be discussing the subject of seeking God.

To download "The Second Birth of Davian the Great: Part 1", click here.

It's, um, kind of long, but a good portion of it is a story--kind of like listening to an audio book.

If you missed my last blog and are wondering what the To Elysia and Back Again podcast is all about, click here to download a brief, 4 minute introduction.

M. B. Weston’s Events for the Week: 02/02/09 to 02/08/09

Here are my author and radio events this week:

Monday, February 02, 2009

Introducing the To Elysia and Back Again podcast!

I'm beginning a weekly podcast called To Elysia and Back Again! (I know, I know, I could have gotten more creative on the name, but it is what it is.) The idea for this podcast idea has been something that has been on my mind for a few years now, and I'm finally getting it started.

My reasons for starting this podcast are simple. Beyond writing, beyond teaching others about writing, beyond discussing movies, and even beyond my love of fantasy and science fiction, my love is for God and Jesus Christ. This is what drives me and everything I do. I want to share this part of me with people, and I want people to know God the way I do.

I also have a love for telling stories, and I’ve discovered something about people as I watch their reactions to stories. I think all of us want to be part of a story. We’re searching for some kind of significance in this world, and I think in our heart of hearts, we know that there is a story out there somewhere that is bigger than ourselves. I hope to help unlock some of that story with this podcast.

I’ve also found that its easiest to explain a concept using a story, and you’ll find me telling a lot of stories in this podcast—especially stories in a series, so make sure you listen to the whole series.

The To Elysia and Back Again podcast is totally separate from The Elysian Chronicles, although I may use some Elysian Chronicles stories to illustrate a few points. (Heck, when I used to teach Sunday school, I used Harry Potter, Batman Begins, and the Pirates of the Caribbean to illustrate my points.) During this podcast, I will explore God, Jesus Christ, and the Bible from a number of different perspectives. Some weeks we will be diving into a certain passage of scripture and examining it. Some weeks, we’ll be looking at God from a more topical approach, and some weeks we’ll be looking at God from a logical, philosophical, apologetic perspective.

You don’t have to be a Christian to listen, in fact, I welcome people of all faiths to listen to this podcast. I’m hoping the stories I tell will be entertaining enough.

If you're interested in listening, you can click here for a brief 4 minute introduction (in which I say some of the same things that I've written here).

A few matters of bookkeeping:

  • I will try to upload a new podcast each Tuesday. (The key word here is "try.")
  • I will be keeping a listing of all the To Elysia and Back Again podcasts on my "Download To Elysia and Back Again Podcasts" page. (Click here, or find it under the Pages section on the top left of the To Elysia and Back Again blog.) This page is in the beginning stages of organization right now. Trust me, it will get better.
  • I'm waiting for iTunes to approve me, and I will let you know the moment I am officially on iTunes.
  • My first podcast is on the next blog (see just above this one), and it's about Davian!

I want to encourage each of you that there is hope in this world. There is a fantastic, amazing story out there, beyond you, beyond me, and beyond any story any author could ever tell. You can be a part of this story. I’m not the one who can provide you with hope or with meaning, but I can share my hope with you, which is why I invite all of you will join me on my journey To Elysia and Back Again.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

This Week’s Final Cut In Movies show (01/31/09): Inkheart

On this week’s show, I'll be discussing Inkheart, the dangers of adapting a novel to the big screen, yet another rule to follow if you ever find yourself caught in a science fiction or fantasy movie, and other science fiction and fantasy news.

The show will air from 8:00-9:00am & pm and re-air throughout the week at the same times on http://www.adastraradio.com/. To listen to tonight's show:

Missed Saturday's edition of The Final Cut? Don’t worry, you can catch the re-runs each day from 8:00-9:00am & pm at http://www.adastraradio.com/, or you can download the podcast at M. B. Weston's Podcasts site or by following this link on iTunes.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

My Speech in Polk County Has Been Postponed

We've had to postpone my speech at the Polk County Christian Chamber of Commerce. The Chamber will still meet at it's regularly scheduled time, but I won't be able to attend. We don't have a date set yet, but I'll keep everyone posted.

Top 10 Questions Booksellers Hate to Hear

I had a great time at Barnes & Noble this Saturday, and I met some new friends. I don't mind book signings (besides for the vulnerability aspect as discussed in an earlier blog), but I hate one thing in particular: People always seem to think that I work at the bookstore, and they ask me questions I don't know the answer to. Some of them even get annoyed. I've tried wearing name tags and not wearing name tags, displaying the "Book Signing with Author M. B. Weston" and not displaying the sign, but nothing works. I always get asked where the bathroom is, where the newspapers are, and where books are. (This does not help with the "vulnerability" problem...) Well, this weekend was no exception, and the "M. B. Weston/Author" name tag did nothing to sway the questioners. (Next time, I'm going tag-less.)

I discussed the issue with some of the folks who work at Barnes & Noble, and they began to laugh and told me all the funny questions people ask them all the time. So, over coffee, we put together a top 10 list of questions that booksellers hate to hear. Bear in mind that all of these are real questions that people actually ask a lot...

  • "I'm looking for a book, but I don't really remember what it is, and I can't remember the author. The cover is...blue? No, wait...I think it's red. I don't remember what it's about, but I know I saw it in...The Wall Street Journal? No, wait...I think it was The Today Show. No, wait..."
  • "You had a book in the "New Fiction Section" a few months ago. Where is it now? I think it was...on the top corner?"
  • (While walking out of the store with an unpaid-for book.) "When is this due back?" (And speaking of thinking a bookstore is a library, read on:)
  • (In a hushed tone.) "Excuse me, but could you tell those people over there to be quiet? I can't concentrate on this book I'm reading."
  • "Do you have that book that was on Oprah a few weeks ago? I can't remember what it was called."
  • "Can I return this? The coffee stains were there when I bought it. I swear."
  • "Where is the "Non-Fiction" section?" (If you can't figure out why this is funny, go look around a Barnes & Noble.)
  • "The music is too loud. Can you have them turn it down so I can concentrate?"
  • "Do you work here?" (This question is especially fun when asked to someone putting books away--or to an author signing books.)
  • "Where is the bathroom?"

(On this note, I must admit that I am guilty of one of the above. I asked one of the community relations managers this question on Saturday: "Hey, my dad is looking for a book that was listed in The Wall Street Journal. He can't remember the author or the title, but he says there's a helicopter on the cover...")

Fantasy novelist M. B. Weston is the author of The Elysian Chronicles, a fantasy series about guardian angel warfare and treason, which is being adapted into a graphic novel series by Wandering Sage Publications, Inc., with Weston penning the script and KISS comic book artist, Adam Black, doing the art. Weston is also the host of The Final Cut in Movies, an internet radio talk show about science fiction and fantasy movies on Ad Astra Radio, which can also be heard as a podcast on M. B. Weston's Podcasts site or on iTunes. Weston speaks to children, teens, and adults about writing and the process of getting published. For more information on M. B. Weston, visit www.mbweston.com. Find out more about The Elysian Chronicles at www.elysianchronicles.com.

Friday, January 23, 2009

This Week’s Final Cut In Movies show (01/24/09): The Day the Earth Stood Still

On this week’s show, I'll be discussing the great many reasons why I did not like The Day the Earth Stood Still, my fury at Chrysler for spending some of the government's bailout money on advertising dollars for Terminator Salvation, the Academy Award Nominations, and other science fiction & fantasy news.

The show will air from 8:00-9:00am & pm and re-air throughout the week at the same times on http://www.adastraradio.com/. To listen to tonight's show:

Missed Saturday's edition of The Final Cut? Don’t worry, you can catch the re-runs each day from 8:00-9:00am & pm at www.adastraradio.com, or you can download the podcast at M. B. Weston's Podcasts site or by following this link on iTunes.

Ad Astra Radio & The Final Cut in Movies Back on the Air!

Ad Astra Radio (http://www.adastraradio.com/) is back on the air, meaning The Final Cut in Movies is back on the air as well. Listen in this weekend for a brand new show on The Day the Earth Stood Still!

A Prophecy Forgotten Now Available in India!

A Prophecy Forgotten is now available in India through Infibeam.com. If you live in India and you want to read a copy of A Prophecy Forgotten, you can get it by clicking here!

Monday, January 19, 2009

M. B. Weston’s Events for the Week: 01/19/09 to 01/25/09

Here are my author and radio events this week. (It's going to be one of those weeks, I can already tell.):

  • 01/20/08 11:00-1:30
    Christian Chamber of Commerce--Lee County Chapter
    Speaking and Book Signing
  • 01/21/08 11:00am to 1:30pm
    Christian Chamber of Commerce--Collier County Chapter
    Speaking and Book Signing
  • 01/22/08 11:00am to 1:30pm
    Christian Chamber of Commerce--Charlotte County Chapter
    Speaking and Book Signing
    01/24/08 10:30am-7:00pm
    Barnes & Noble
    10:30am-12:00pm: Writing Workshop
    12:00pm-2:00pm: Book Signing
    7:00pm-9:00pm: MC For Open Mike (Be there for my famous Top 10 list!)
    ***I'll be selling the final copies of the Limited Editions at this book signing, so be sure to drop by if you want one!
  • 1/24/09, 8:00pm-9:00pm (and throughout the week at the same times):
    The Final Cut in Movies radio program on
    Ad Astra Radio. Click here to listen, and then click the blinking "Listen Live" button on the top right, or download the podcast at M. B. Weston's Podcasts site.

Friday, January 16, 2009

The Elysian Chronicle: January 09

Breaking News

The A Prophecy Forgotten Limited Edition is still available…
Wandering Sage made a limited edition print run of A Prophecy Forgottenfor DragonCon, and I’ve still got a few left. If you are interested in purchasing one (signed, of course), please e-mail me at mbweston@elysianchronicles.com.

If you live in South Florida, you can purchase a copy of the limited edition:

  • At Barnes & Noble on January 24th from 12:00 to 1:45 pm during my book signing.
  • At the Crew Walkathon at Fleishman Park.

Out of the Shadows: Book II of the Elysian Chronicles is with the editor!
We’re looking at about a month or a month-and-a-half, barring any really bad issues with the manuscript that will need to be changed. No promises, but we are working on it. I will keep everyone posted on my blog, To Elysia and Back Again (http://www.mbwestonblog.com/).

If you want to receive a postcard, notifying you as soon as new books in the Elysian Chronicles series are released, click here and fill out the form!


It’s official: The Sword of the Vanir: Book III of the Elysian Chronicles is under contract!
Keep checking my blog, http://www.mbwestonblog.com/, for up-to-date information regarding the third book in the Elysian Chronicles series.

Listen to A Prophecy Forgotten the way I intended it to sound.
I’m podcasting a chapter every few weeks. Check it out on my blog, www.mbwestonblog.com. I just added Chapter 7 this week.

These are the current chapters I have uploaded so far:

Hopefully, I will get Chapter 7 out sometime this week.

Author Events

The Final Cut In Movies Radio Program:
Ad Astra has been off the air since Thanksgiving, but they are back on the air as of this week. My first new show will broadcast next Saturday. Every Saturday from 8:00 to 9:00 am & pm, catch me on The Final Cut in Movies radio program at www.adastraradio.com.

  • Lee County Christian Chamber of Commerce Meeting
    I’ll be speaking to the Lee County Christian Chamber of Commerce on January 20th from 11:00am to 1:00pm. I’ll be signing books there as well.
  • Collier County Christian Chamber of Commerce Meeting
    I’ll be speaking to the Collier County Christian Chamber of Commerce on January 21st from 11:00am to 1:00pm. I’ll be signing books there as well.
  • Charlotte County Christian Chamber of Commerce Meeting
    I’ll be speaking to the Charlotte County Christian Chamber of Commerce on January 22nd from 11:00am to 1:00pm. I’ll be signing books there as well.
  • Radio Interview: Praise FM 89.5
    Catch me on Praise FM 89.5 on Friday, January 23rd, from 5:00 to 5:30pm with Arnie Coones. If you don’t live in South Florida, you can still listen in at www.praisefm.com.
  • Writing Workshop: Barnes & Noble, Naples, FL
    I’ll be conducting a writing workshop for teenagers and adults at Barnes & Noble from 10:00 am to 12:00 pm on January 24th, although it will probably take less than that amount of time.
  • Book Signing: Barnes & Noble, Naples, FL
    Catch me at Barnes & Noble on January 24th from 12:00pm to 1:45pm in Naples, FL where I will be signing A Prophecy Forgotten. If you haven’t gotten the new paperback edition, now is a good time to get one and get it signed.
    **I’ll also be selling the final copies of the A Prophecy Forgotten Limited Edition paperback as well.
  • Open Mike Night: Barnes & Noble, Naples, FL
    We’re bringing back open mike night this January. Join us on January 24th at 7:30pm, and be sure to bring your talent. (Trust me, you don’t want to have to listen to me come up with lame jokes for two hours.)
  • Polk County Christian Chamber of Commerce Meeting
    I’ll be speaking to the Polk County Christian Chamber of Commerce on January 30th from 11:00am to 1:00pm. I’ll be signing books there as well.
  • Carrollwood Day School Authors Day
    I’ll be presenting writing workshops to the students at Carrollwood Day School in Tampa, FL during their Authors Day on February 5.
  • Crew Walkathon for their Haiti mission trip
    On February 7th, I’ll be at Fleishman Park for Crew’s Walkathon. I’ve got a booth, and I’ll be selling books and t-shirts. I’m not sure what time this starts yet, so watch my blog for more information.
  • MegaCon
    Catch me again at MegaCon this year in Orlando at the Orange County Convention Center from February 27th through March 1st.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Radio Interview: January 23rd, 5:00pm, Praise FM 89.5

If you live in Southwest Florida, be sure to tune in to Praise FM 89.5on Friday, January 23rd, at 5:00 pm. I'll be on the air with Arnie Coones, talking about my book signing at Barnes & Noble on the 24th.

Oh, and remember the name A. Coones... I can't tell you why, though. *maniacal laughter* A hint: Out of the Shadows....

If you don't live in Southwest Florida, you can still listen in by going to http://www.praisefm.com/ and clicking "listen in."

I'm Officially a Guest at DragonCon 09!

DragonCon has invited me to return as a guest this September. I'm obviously very excited, as it is one of the most elaborate science fiction fantasy conventions that I attend. As usual, I don't have a panel schedule yet, as I believe they are still in the process of approving guests. I'll keep everyone posted on schedules, my status, and where to find me as the convention nears.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Listen to Chapter 7 of The Elysian Chronicles: A Prophecy Forgotten!

Hear A Prophecy Forgotten the way I intended it to be read!

As all of us wait for Out of the Shadows: Book II of the Elysian Chronicles, I've decideed to entertain you with a few podcasts (i.e. a FREE downloadable audio versions of my novel in mp3 format so you can listen to it on your computer, your iPod, or burn a CD) of A Prophecy Forgotten: Book I of the Elysian Chronicles. For those of you who cannot afford the cost of the hard-cover version of A Prophecy Forgotten, this is a good way to test it out for free. (And stay tuned for more information on the upcoming paperback version.) I will continue posting new chapters every few weeks, so please continue to check the blog.

Click to read my latest installment: "Chapter Seven: The Cabin."

Also, if you missed previous chapters, please click on the links below:

Saturday, January 03, 2009

The Adventures of the Out of the Shadows Manuscript (Part 2)

As mentioned in the previous story, we writers are needy. We stop looking at Amazon and Barnes & Noble .com after a while because we get tired of reading the negative reviews. (All of us get them.) And we never really know how well our stories go over unless we hear from readers, and we pray for only positive feedback. I remember sitting next to Sherrilyn Kenyon (The Dark Hunters) on a panel at OmegaCon in Birmingham, AL last year. (It was a panel on Romance and Science Fiction. I have no idea how I got on that panel...) One of Sherrilyn's fans was in attendance. (Actually, a bunch of her fans were in attendance.) This particular fan said, "Let me put it this way. If I found out there was a galley copy of your newest book in this hotel, I would do anything I could to get my hands on it." I remember being in awe of Ms. Kenyon, thinking that it would sure be great to have someone feel that way about my galley copies. (Like I said...writers are needy!) Bearing that in mind, we'll continue with our last story.

I later found out that Sarajane brought the manuscript to school. Another classmate found it in her binder and became quite perterbed that she had a copy. (Always a good thing to hear, as an author.)

Then, a week before I went to Disney, Tom Powidski (the person who was supposed to get the Out of the Shadows manuscript originally), asked me about it. I told him how Sarajane got to it first. He narrowed his eyes. I found out later, that he called Sarajane's mother and told her that Sarajane needed to bring the manuscript to church that night.

I have liftoff, folks. (I'm not at Ms. Kenyon's level by any stretch of the imagination, but I have liftoff.)

But it gets better. Sarajane kept forgetting to go to church to keep from having to give him the copy until she could finish it. And then, she kept forgetting to bring the copy to church when she went--even after she finished.

He he he. A large grin on my part.

But it gets better. Tom actually drove to Sarajane's house on Christmas Day to get the copy before he flew to Philadelphia to see his family for Christmas.

Now, the greatest part about this whole story is that Tom is a man's man: huge and athletic. My ultimate goal is to get men like Tom to like the book, and since I'm a woman I have to write carefully to make sure I reach that market. Tom also isn't into the fantasy genre the way my main target audience is. This means I have officially written a crossover book (YA, Fantasy, and a little bit of Mainstream)! Or at least, I have a crossover audience. Yippee! (Oh, and don't try to get the manuscript from Tom. That would almost be a stupid as trying to wrestle the manuscript away from the TSME (top secret military expert).)

Okay, I must admit that I'm kind of tooting my own horn over here, but we authors need to hear stuff like this regarding our work. That, and...I'm just like the rest of you. I want Out of the Shadows to come out sooooooo bad, and I'm tired of waiting for it, too. So I figure I'll just start blogging about it to generate some excitement. I figure throughout the next few weeks, I blog about the some very important Annapolis landmarks (yes, the Earth section takes place at the United States Naval Academy) and maybe a few things in my newly renovated office that have influenced Out of the Shadows.

The Adventures of the Out of the Shadows Manuscript (Part 1)

First, I must preface this little story with a little secret: we writers are tender souls who need lots of encouragement. We bare our souls to the world when we get published, and we desperately want to hear that people like our work. Then, a bunch of people blast our work on Amazon.com and other book review sites. Even if most everyone else says it's great, we only remember the negative reviews (which is why I won't even look at Amazon or barnesandnoble.com anymore). It's not good for our psyches. Even Stephen King admits that writers are "needy," as he describes, it in his book, On Writing. I'm just as needy as the rest! I'm telling you this story because, well, it's funny, but it also shows how much we writers need encouragement. On that note, I would like to thank all of you for your e-mails, asking me when Out of the Shadows is coming out. Those e-mails made my holiday!

I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this, but I have to be honest... About 4 hard copies of the newest version of Out of the Shadows are floating around. (Not including the manuscript currently with my editor and the digital copy with the TSME (top secret miltiary expert).) Wait! Hold on! They're review copies for people to review either for editing or for "blurb" purposes. One copy was destined for my youth pastor, Tom Powidski, because I want him to encourage people to buy Out of the Shadows when it comes out.

This is the story of that manuscript. (Kind of.)

I left the copy of the manuscript on Tom's church-office chair a few Sunday's ago. That night, I went to church to watch my nieces perform in the children's Christmas play. Afterward, my good friend, Sarajane, convinced me to let her borrow said copy...

Now, realize that Sarajane doesn't have the manuscript anymore. (See Part 2 of the story.) And before I start hearing cries of "foul," understand that Sarajane, during my first ever book signing, went up to my publisher, held up A Prophecy Forgotten (which she had read twice in about a week) and said, "This is better than Harry Potter!" which caused my publisher to send me a contract for Out of the Shadows the next week. For that, Sarajane gets special privileges.

Anyway, back to the story. I took a trip to Disney World a few weekends ago while Sarajane was reading the manuscript. As I got off the ride, Splash Mountain, I felt my bag vibrate. (I set my phone on vibrate in case I can't hear it, which is often.) I literally pulled the phone out of my bag as I exited the boat and saw that it was Sarajane.

I must admit to all of you that I knew exactly why she was calling, and I was prepared with my answer.

Here is the conversation from my point of view:

"I'm sorry, Sarajane, I had to kill [Fred]. I had no choice." (No, his name wasn't Fred. Do you honestly think I'm going to let that slip on my blog?)

"Look, Sarajane, I knew I had to kill [Fred] when I wrote A Prophecy Forgotten. He was destined to die even then."

"I know, Sarajane, I loved him, too. But I had to kill him. And I cried for fifteen minutes after I did it."

"Yes, but killing [Fred] was highly necessary. It had to happen. Look, be glad I didn't kill [Joe], which was my original thought."

"I know, I know. And I had know you're already mad at me for killing, [Bob], but I had to do that as well."

You can imagine the rest of the conversation. (And no, don't look for clues in the [names]. I made sure all the [names] didn't have anything to do with the characters they represented.)

Well, this is the funny part. I'm having this conversation about killing poor [Fred] in the middle of Disney World while I'm walking out of Splash Mountain. Can you just imagine, hearing some chick talking so cavalierly about killing someone...? I'm lucky I didn't get arrested. Can you imagine that conversation? "Wait! Wait! I'm a novelist! [Fred] is a character in one of my books! Those handcuffs hurt! Come on! [Fred] doesn't even exist!"

Okay, so it's probably not that funny of a story, but I thought it was.

But there is more to the story... (See Part 2.)

Friday, January 02, 2009

Never Tell Your Wife She is Dingy...

Let's take a totally hypothetical situation as an example. Pretend you own a commercial cleaning business, and your wife has sacrificially given up her time (that she could be spending writing) to work for you three days a week. It's the day after Christmas, and you both are walking out of an attorney's office (that you've just cleaned). Oh, and you've parked your black Ford Explorer in a different spot than normal.

(Note that you have only had the Ford Explorer for a couple of months, and your wife is not used to knowing the subtle differences between your Explorer and every other black SUV on the planet--mainly because she doesn't care.)

You pass a black GMC SUV parked in the same spot you usually park in. You walk past this black SUV on the driver's side. Now here is the important part. Your wife isn't fully paying attention because cleaning toilets and office buildings bores her to tears, and to survive such mentally unstimulating tasks, she resorts to thinking about such things as how she is going to get more book signings or how she is going to end her third novel. (Totally hypotheticalsituation here.) So your wife, still thinking about her marketing plan and budget, walks up to the passenger's side of the black SUV--parked in the spot you usually park in--and starts to open the door...

...until she notices some one sitting in the passenger side of the SUV and quickly walks away as though nothing had happened to hide her embarrassment.

Should said hypothetical situation occur, you should be very careful not to tell you wife that she is dingy and then compare her to a dumb blonde. Should you be so careless, AT LEAST don't continue to tell her she is dingy, even after she shows signs of hurt and annoyance.

The reason you should refrain from such behavior has nothing to do with hurting your wife's feelings, furthering her embarrassment, or reminding her of her horrible middle school days when she was a total dweeb. See, here's the thing: if your wife is between the ages of 30 and 35, there is a big chance she might have been a huge fan of the New Kids on the Block when she was in middle school. And if your wife loves to sing, there is also a big chance she might have memorized every single song the New Kids on the Block sang, simply because she would have only had cassette tapes to listen to way back then, hence having to listen to every song because she couldn't hit "skip."

So, why should you never tell your wife she is dingy? Because if you will be stuck with her in a car for a while, she might decide getting even might be more fun than getting mad--especially if you are unaware that she ever listened to such music because her tastes in music matured when she entered high school (well before she met you). The fact is, you might be blissfully unaware of your imminent danger.

Your wife, calculating the length of the car ride, might dream up a scheme to get back at you that only a few brave souls might dare attempt. She might serenade you with oh, oh, oh-oh, oh tons of New Kids on the Block songs that she hasn't even listened to in over 15 years--just to annoy the crap out of you. (Ah, yes, one of the problems with marrying a woman with a great memory.)

If this happens, you had better show your wife that you've got the Right Stuff by Hanging Tough and earning her forgiveness Step By Step. Otherwise, you might be saying, "Please Don't Go, Girl!"